Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy Sauvignon Blanc

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy Sauvignon Blanc
Price: $13.99
Region: Marlborough, New Zealand
Retailer: Club W

I never intended on drinking this wine, mostly because I never intended on having it in my home because I never intended to be a part of Club W. My friend Gennefer Gross, a fun-and-food-loving wino such as myself, gave me a coupon for three free bottles of wine from Club W. I got them, I drank them, I did not review them because they did not spark inspiration in my heart, and was like "Okay, that's Club W." 

But apparently I was drunk and totally missed the part where I redeemed my three free bottles but also signed up for a regular subscription.

So, here we are. With Club W's Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

My initial thought is that I hate it. It reminds me of the huge subdivision of wine culture that panders to new mothers and people who adopted "adorkable", with its cute name and its cute lettering. It's so "Teeheehee! I'm drinking wine!" which is the exact opposite attitude from my own.  

But I do not hate the wine, which is most important. 

Despite its Pottery Barn Kids' packaging, this is a decent Sauvignon Blanc that delivers. I am not overcome with revelations about it, which is fine. Not every wine has to turn my palate on its head. It tastes a lot like lemons. And it is quite easy to drink. So I can't be that mad at its name because it is extremely accurate, although I am kind of mad because the name is still too damn long and now I am drinking a wine that looks like I bought it off Etsy from an adorable twenty-something girl that focuses on font work. IT'S TOO CUTE.

The more I drink the more adorable it becomes, and the more accepting I become. It's a whimsical little lemonade stand that I am setting up on my porch for the only customer in the neighborhood that matters: ME.

Watch out. I may be stenciling shit by the end of the evening.

Tasting Notes: It tastes like a good Marlborough Sauv Blanc. Better than what you'll get at your chain grocery store, but not a unique take on the varietal. Light and tart, lemony and peppery, with nectarine and melon. I really wish I had a grilled chicken salad right now. 

Ross Test: Too cat pissy.

On VICE Munchies: Rosé Is the Drake of All Wines

CHECK OUT MY LATEST ARTICLE ON VICE MUNCHIES, IT'S ALL ABOUT DRAKE AND ROSE WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE

My Summer Wine Guide For Man Repeller

Extremely honored to have been asked by one of my favorite websites, Man Repeller, to contribute a summer wine guide! Check it out for seven of my seasonal favorites! 

I'm Alive I Swear!

I'm sorry for the lack of posts! I've been working my ass off on other fun, wine related things that I can't wait to share with you when the time comes for those things to be shared. 

In the meantime, here's an article I wrote for VICE Munchies last week:

Can You Trust Your Sommelier? 

Hopefully we will be back to our regularly scheduled drinking/sometimes filming it very soon.

oxoxox

(Oops) Cabernet Franc Carmenere

(Oops) Cabernet Franc & Carmenere
Price: $12
Year: 2010
Region: Colchagua Valley, Chile
Retailer: Sip! Wines "Blends Have More Fun" Trio

This was the first week of settling back into my long-lost freelance lifestyle. I'm still addled by the anxiety of assistant life because it's weird taking care of someone for four years and then suddenly not. But, I'm also readjusting quite well. I styled a shoot, wrote twenty pages and booked my next trip to NYC. I even did a bunch of paperwork! For myself! It was great!

It was cloudy today, and rained for a minute, so obviously I couldn't leave the house. I mean, I couldn't leave the house anyway because my car battery died on Tuesday and I just decided I didn't need to go anywhere until the weekend, but also, IT WAS CLOUDY TODAY. As a native Southern Californian, it is imperative to relish cloudy days. They have always been far and few between. Californians treat rainy days like people on the East Coast treat those shoulder season days they're always bragging about: we drop everything and indulge in them. Except you guys like, wear a comfortable outfit and go for a picnic and I'm eating Weetos, reading Travel & Leisure, @replying on Twitter and wearing this:

Not to brag, but GOD DAMN AM I THE BEST AT LOUNGING. 

Anyway, I have now ate a lot of Weetos and am in very comfortable lounge gear and my boyfriend isn't fighting me for the chaise end of the couch and I've got new Bose headphones that go around my ears instead of crushing my ears AND I HAVE THIS DELICIOUS RED WINE. WHICH THANK GOD. I HAVE LIKE 900 WHITE/ROSES RIGHT NOW AND IT'S CHILLY AS FUCK. GOTTA GET COZY WITH A RED.

The (Oops) Cabernet Franc & Carmenere is perfect for May Gray (which is the precursor to June Gloom, which to those of you not from California, is the marine layer that literally chills over us for most of May and June). It's wet and lasting, but in a refreshing and light way. It reminds me of concrete after a quick but eager spring shower that is damp for hours after, creating aromatic clouds of minerality wherever you walk.

It's light and bright and really good slightly chilled. I mean, I never put it in the fridge, but my house was at like 60° all day, so "Room Temperature" is now "Slightly Chilled".

It's cool because you don't see Carmenere all that often, if ever. This native Bordeaux grape was planted in Chile a century ago, and everyone was like, "Cool, we got these cool Merlot grapes growing, very cool."  And if you looked at the Carmenere and Merlot grapes side by side, you would be like, "Cool, grapes!" because let's be real, neither of us can tell the difference between a Carmenere, Merlot or Welch grapes. In 1994, some scientists that could tell the difference between grapes got involved and were like, "Aaacccctttuuualllyyy, these Merlot grapes are aaccttuaaally Carmenere." Then everyone freaked out! Because, uh! Extremely rare Bordeaux varietals in Chile?! SO TIGHT!!!

And Cab Francs are just bomb as hell...

 I can't really go into them specifically right now and for that, I am sorry. I'm just extremely Weeto'd, like yelling nonsense over my noise-canceling headphones at Ben while he plays Grand Theft Auto kind of Weeto'd. I'm just really enjoying the fuck out of this Chilean wine that tastes like it's from France. Legit, in a blind tasting, it would be hard for me not to say it was from France. Really the only thing holding me back is there is a real coffee-dirt taste I haven't experienced in French wines. Not to say that that isn't that flavor profile in French wines because lord knows it probably is.

Anyway, I'm doing some REAL SICK AIR-BASS TO TY SEGALL RIGHT NOW. 
NO OOPS ABOUT IT.
YEWWWWWWWW!!!

Phew, man, all I know is Wine & Weetos is the best pairing of all time. I am so warm and fuzzy, and NOT from my dope sweat selections from Wildfox and Mollusk. Warm and fuzzy on the inside, like unconditional love on Christmas Eve kind of warm and fuzzy. 

EVERY DAY CAN BE A HOLIDAY WITH (OOPS)! (and Weetos)

Alright I have to get off the Internet before it's too late.

LOVE U CARMENERE

Tasting Notes: Smells like freshly poured gravel and applesauce with a touch of cinnamon. Meaty, slightly salty plum with a light but unwavering pepper finish. Drink 3/4s of it while listening to Father John Misty's latest album and you will want to have so much sex. 

Ross Test: Delightfully Do-Able

Lunch Conversations

Olivier Lemasson "Pow Blop Wizz"

Olivier Lemasson "Pow Blop Wizz"
Price: $20
Region: Loire, France
Year: 2013
Retailer: DomaineLA

[movie trailer voice]
FROM THE PRODUCERS OF R-13
THE WINE THAT CHANGED LIVES FOREVER
COMES A ROSE PÉTILLANT
THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE 
AGAIN
OLIVIER LEMASSON PRESENTS:
"POW BLOP WIZZ"
A LIGHTLY EFFERVESCENT JOURNEY
INTO MOTHERFUCKIN DELICIOUSNESS

This wine couldn't be further from how deep and manly I wrote that, but the sentiment is the same. It's a summer blockbuster. But instead of Shia LaBeouf and some zombies, it's a Monster Rally song wrapped in sunshine and a gentle breeze of honeydew soda. It's light, and floral, with a little bit of Calgon nostalgia. I want to bathe in it and die in it and bathe in it, and then die in it all over again.

Or perhaps just float away on a lazy river for forever with endless bottles.

It tastes like the sparkling sweat of the freshest farmer's market strawberry making sweet, sweet love to a pack of Double Bubble in the first minute of it being chewed (because you know, Double Bubble is fatuously juicy at first, then dries up quicker than a vagina stuck at dinner with a staunchly scriptural Republican). 

I'm extremely tough on Rosés that sway sweet. And this one does, but its natural production funk balances it beautifully. The funk in this is very interesting because it is just faintly present, rather than being an outstanding quality. It's mostly on the finish, which is rather musky, but in a good way. I'm not sure you'd notice it unless you know Lemasson's other wines. Or, maybe I'm just immune to it.

Tasting Notes: Cab Franc/Grolleau blend. Fucking superb. Like I said. Honeydew soda breeze on the nose, sweet sweet beautiful HBO sex on the tongue. 

Ross Test: Just the best. The problem with bubbles is they are generally hard to chug, but these bubbles aren't aggressive. They're super friendly like, "HEY WE WANT TO BE IN YOUR MOUTH!" which is tight. And sexy. I'M CHUGGING TWO WHOLE GLASSES WORTH.

On VICE Munchies: How to Be Totally Chill While Ordering Wine in a Restaurant

Very excited to announce that I'm now a wine columnist over at Vice Munchies! If you're interested in being chill while ordering wine in restaurants, I'm also excited to announce that now you can read about how I do that! At Vice! Munchies! Like right now! 

Pépière La Pépie Côt

Last night at Silverlake Wine, one of the owners suggested I try this. It being from Loire and a reasonable $16.50, I said YES OF COURSE. Turns out that Côts are what the Loire calls Malbecs, and that they are delectably fun. Unlike the deep flavors of Argentinian Malbecs, Côts are light and energized easy drinkers. Fruity and poppy, this is a perfect party wine and I'm excited to keep it in stock this summer. It's going to be irresistible slightly chilled at dusk in July.

Saveur Blog Awards 2015

I am extremely surprised and excited to tell you that I am a finalist nominee for Best Wine Coverage in Saveur Magazine's 2015 Blog awards! If you're here and have a spare minute, please click on over and vote for me. It's a vote for taking wine a little less seriously, and a vote for me to drink more wine and wear less pants, which is something I would like to do a lot more of in the upcoming summer months.

Here's how to do it:
1. Click on the image
2. Scroll down to "Best Wine Coverage" (it's alphabetical so it's like last)
3. Vote 
3.5 You may have to register if you're not already registered (I'm sorry but please?)

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE AND CHEERS FOREVER