Damilano Barbera d'asti

Damilano Barbera d'asti
Price: $19.99
Year: 2012
Region: Piedmont, Italy

This wine tastes like a balmy night in Rome, arm in arm with my love, warm and fuzzy all inside from way too much pasta and even more red wine, singing poor renditions of Dean Martin. 

Just that really fun kind of wine drunk, where everything is beautiful and hilarious. There isn't a filter that could come close to capturing how warm and fuzzy those moments are. Where there are confetti poppers of joy going off in your chest and your stomach hurts from laughing so hard and everything around you looks like a cobblestone dreamscape from a Terry Gilliam movie.

It is an emotionally rough week, and although I do not encourage anyone to avoid reality with substances, it is nice to be able to open a bottle of wine and temporarily escape to a happy memory. Especially as one as happy as An Evening In Roma. 

Rome is my favorite city in the world.
I'd move there tomorrow if I could.

WAIT SIDE NOTE, FORGET ABOUT ME WAXING POETIC!
I just went to the bathroom and my teeth are SOOOO not white! Which is crazy! My teeth are totally impervious to red wines. They never stain. But this one stained my teeth pretty damn good. Which means, you are fucked! 

Totally worth it though! 
Plus, uh, Wine Wipes, duh.

Tasting Notes: The bouquet reminds me of my great-grandfather's farm in the late summer, where I'd pick blackberries that were so ripe they were bursting off the vine. It's very bright and light for a red, and really lovely to drink. Low tannins and light bodied. This would be an ideal table red to have around for casual conversations or light appetizers.

Ross Test: Too spicy, not a fan. 

Berlucchi Franciacorta '61 (with oysters [with video])

Berlucchi Franciacorta '61 Brut
Price: $29.99
Region: Italy

I was recently gifted this wine and was told it went well with oysters, so I went and bought oysters and then found out you needed a schucking knife and then I tried to DIY them open and seriously almost ripped open my hand. 

So today I went to McCall's and made them schuck some for me. 
I only got four cause they're fucking expensive for small piles of goo.
So, before my review of the wine, I give you
ONE VIDEO
OF ME
AND ONE OYSTER
(cause I ate the other three before filming cause I thought I was just going to do a photo essay but then I was like, "Dude, no one cares that you look like you just came from the gym because you basically did so whatever.")

What I didn't say here because I was not totally on top of my game because I was freaking out about eating the oysters before they went bad or something, is that the acidity of the Berlucchi really cuts through the brininess of the oysters.

I hate too much brine. I like A LITTLE brine cause duh that's oysters' thing, but generally I put lemon and Tabasco on mine and slurp it down. I don't like it tasting like a gooey mouthful of sea jizz. I didn't use Tabasco, but the Berlucchi did the trick. The effervescence shaved down the creaminess of the oysters as well. 

So, basically, if you don't have Tabasco,
you can get a similar effect with this.
Minus the delicious spice.
But plus WIIIIINNNEEEEE.

The wine itself, on its own, as I enjoy it on my couch still in my gym clothes listening to Avey Tare's Slasher Flicks, is fantastic. It's still ninety degrees here, so a nice cold bubbly bottle is 100% welcomed in this house. 

It reminds me of cold almonds and pears. Like if I had had them out for an appetizer for friends and put them in the fridge before dinner and then when I was stoned six hours later, I ate said almonds and pears out of the fridge. Totally delicious and weirdly refreshing while still having a bit of body.

Tasting Notes: Cold Cinnamon & Apples Quaker Instant Oatmeal on the nose. The palate is nutty and citrusy, while maintaining a touch of that spice from the nose. Medium-light body. Incredibly easy to drink. Probably too easy, and too fun. God, I love effervescence. It's just so vivacious, I want to spend the rest of my night drowning in its charms.

Ross Test: A bit too big out of the bottle. Still totally doable, but not as enjoyable.

Related: Berlucchi Cuvee '61 Rose

Lindemans Raspberry Framboise Lambic

Lindemans Raspberry Framboise Lambic
Price: $9
Region: Belgium 
Retailer: Trader Joe's

Many people went back to school today. 
And I am not one of those people.
But I did get back to working on pilots.

Much like starting a new school year, starting a new pilot is one of my most favorite, and also least favorite, times of the year. This is when I hole myself up for seven months and agonize over filling up this fresh corkboard full of notecards describing great storylines and hiiiiillllaaaarious jokes and put them together in a generally entertaining fashion via Final Draft and then run it past my agents and have them rip it apart and then go back and fill the board back up with new notecards and rewrite a bunch of shit and rewrite a bunch of shit and rewrite a bunch of shit until it's pilot season and then we're all like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. 

Lindemans Raspberry Framboise Lambic is a great thing for me to drink during this time of the year for the following reasons:

1. It is delicious.
2. It is 2.5% alcohol so I can't really get drunk on it while working.
3. It is a beer so it fills me up and stops me from stress eating everything in the house while I pace around trying to make some obscure joke about The Klopeks work.
4. It is delicious.

Alright. Time to write the next great workplace comedy since my irreverent twenty-something comedy was too "referencey" and my anti-hero mortgage broker comedy "read more like a play".  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tasting Notes: Like Sweet Tarts. That's it. It's a bottle of Sweet Tarts.

Ross Test: Let's just say I've Ross Tested basically the whole bottle and it's not even just because I'm a monster, it is also because it is very easy to do.

Picton Bay Sauvignon Blanc

Picton Bay Sauvignon Blanc
Price: $7.99
Region: Marlborough, New Zealand
Retailer: Trader Joe's

Well, I ended up turning on the AC and returning to my beloved Sauvignon Blancs.
On the one hand I'm like, "$24 IS GONNA LOOK SOOOOO SICK IN YOUR SAVINGS ACCOUNT",
but on the other hand I'm like, "YOU CAN'T VERY WELL LET YOUR VERY FURRY ANIMALS FUCKING DIE OF HEAT EXHAUSTION NOW CAN YOU".

Marlborough Sauv Blancs are all the rage these days. I feel like everyone is talking about them, or I have just met a lot of Aussies over the past couple years. Who knows. Either way, I knew I had to start getting into Marlborough SBs because uh, SAUVIGNON BLANC YA'ALL.

This isn't my first Marlborough rodeo. And yes, they are very good. But this is definitely one of the better ones I've had, especially considering the price point. 

I've been disappointed recently in California SBs, which makes it kind of hilarious that this bottle of Picton Bay from across the globe reminds me so much of California. It's all sunshine and The Beach Boys. It's just so fresh and fun, and a little sexy. 

This wine tastes like San Clemente, 2006. I'm nineteen and my only friends are ten surfers. We worked retail by whenever, and hit the beach by whenever. We all basically lived on the floor at my best friend's apartment down the street from Trestles. And that was it. Having enough money to buy booze and tacos and go to the beach. They'd surf, and I'd write HST inspired journal entries about my crushes on the sand. I wasn't old enough to drink, but the old man who owned the liquor store across the street let me buy anyway because he knew I always slept on the couch. 

When I had to move back home to Upland unexpectedly, one of my favorite memories, was that my surfer homies had the old man from the liquor store leave me the funniest voice mail about how everyone missed me. I was so miserable back home, and that really silly notion meant so much to me. I never wanted to let go of that time. Even when I was living it, I knew it that time was finite and I would miss it forever.

I wanted to always be sitting on the beach listening to The Beach Boys on my Sidekick 2 and drinking a 40 of Miller High Life with my whole life ahead of me. 

This doesn't taste like shitty beer and young unrequited love, but it does taste like lime and salt and hints of bell peppers and bougainvilleas clinging to the cliffs of Laguna Beach. It tastes like body surfing at Table Rock on the Fourth of July. It tastes like how your skin feels after being at the beach all day. It tastes like the best day of summer. It tastes like you have forever, and forever is all sunshine glistening on crashing waves, and endless possibilities.

I went into Trader Joe's today feeling broke. And I have come out tonight feeling like a million bucks for my eight and some change (after tax).

Tasting Notes: Light ocean breeze bouquet. Seriously, my only thought really is, where are the seagulls tho? They should come stock. Anyway, medium bodied but dry with enough crisp for me to love it (cause if it wasn't crisp, I wouldn't be here). This is going to sound insane, but if I could lick the cliffs of Table Rock beach, one of my favorite places on Earth, I seriously think this wine is what they would taste like. Briney, clean, straight forward, memorable, delicious. 

Ross Test: Not to quote Rihanna, but I mean, it's totally, CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE 

Simple Spritzer

Simple Spritzer
• 3/4s Pinot Grigio
• 1/4 Sparkling Water
• Muddled berries
• Ice

Occasionally you find yourself with some spare berries and way too much Pinot Grigio. I know, I know. Sounds like one of them good problems. WELL IT IS. I'M VERY PLEASED TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM. 

Anyway, hypothetically, you have berries and Pinot Grigio but you're like, "Meh, don't really feel like Pinot Grigio cause it's a little early in the day for me to start scarfing carafes."  

So, you take those berries and muddle them in your choice of glass (or, if you're a disgusting monster who can't find her muddler because you moved and that's what happens, you can just chew them up and spit them in YOUR glass [or perhaps your romantic partner's if they are chill with you being a disgusting monster without a muddler] not saying this is the preferred method, I'm just saying this is also works/I'm disgusting). 

You then fill the glass three-fourths of the way up with the Pinot Grigio. You then top it off with some sparkling water and some ice.

Boom.
YOU'RE SPRITZIN' WITH THE BEST OF 'EM.

Bueyes Malbec 2011

Bueyes Malbec 2011
Price: ~ $20
Region: Mendoza, Argentina 
Retailer: Silverlake Wine

I haven't really had much time to talk about it with all the traveling and wine drinking and dream living I've been up to lately, but I recently moved. I'd lived in the same Echo Park bungalow for six years, and after a long eight months of looking, my boyfriend and I finally found our perfect pad in Silverlake. It's seriously everything I ever wanted in a new place, and I am definitely paying for it. Like, I'm broke. Like, not my normal "Oh man, I'm broke, I can only buy eight bottles of wine this week and still be fine for bills and life" adult broke, I'm talking like twenty-two just moved to LA with $35 "CHARLES SHAW IS DELICIOUS!" broke. 

I'm okay with that though. I've been here before; doubling down and throwing everything on black and pulling the trigger praying for an empty chamber. And look at me now! I'm topless in a beautiful/hot as hell house because I refuse to turn on the AC because my bank account reads like a fourth grader's math equation, blasting Eartha Kitt, middle fingers up, being like "HEY NEIGHBORS WHO AREN'T REALLY MY NEIGHBORS CAUSE THAT'S A VACATION RENTAL, YOU SHOULD TELL THE OWNERS TO ADD A LITTLE ADVISORY ABOUT THE NEW ASSHOLE NEXT DOOR WHO LISTENS TO JAZZ REALLY LOUD WHILE MOSTLY NAKED CHUGGING WINE OUT OF BOTTLES IF EVERY WEEK IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING KID FEST OVER THERE. I CAN'T AFFORD CURTAINS AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FRENCH SPEAKING CHILDREN. SERIOUSLY.  I DON'T. I'M NOT PUTTING ON A SHIRT."

It's really too hot to be drinking red, but I'm tired of drinking whites. I love and miss my reds. Not only that, my supply is for real dwindling. To keep this blog alive while I undergo financial restoration, I will have to pull from my personal entertaining collection, most of which, are delicious reds.

And so here we are, drinking the Bueyes 2011 Malbec. I bought this bottle [flips through journal] on July 7th after having it at a tasting at Silverlake Wine. I bought it because uh, well, I tasted it and it was delicious. I fucking love Malbecs. Ugh. They give me everything Cabernets do but without so much attitude. Sometimes I don't need the attitude, man! Sometimes I just want a fun, spicy yet friendly red. Not even sometimes. A lot of the times.

Ah, a nice breeze whips through my parched...
aaaaaand it's gone.

I can't say the red wine is helping with how hot it is, but I can't really say it's hurting either. In fact, it's still pretty much helping because it's so good. It's so smooth and easy and lovely and my true friend as I lay on this woven Crate & Barrel rug I roped my dude into buying. I love it so much. The wine, and the rug. I LOVE IT ALL.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL! I'M SO HAPPY I SPENT $20 ON THIS WINE THAT ONE TIME WHEN I COULD SPEND LOTS OF $20s ON WINE! IT HAS FIG NOTES! WHO DOESN'T LOVE A GOOD FUCKING NOTE OF FIG?! 

Maybe it's all this delicious Malbec, but I never used to think nude colored bras were cool. Now, I think I'm into them. Like on a public level, not like in the "Heyyyy these are necessary" level that we've all dealt with nude colored bras on.

Also, please don't be fooled, I'm still a 31.5A. I know this Victoria's Secret bra I spent too much money on back when I was cash comfortable makes me look like Sofia Vergara, but that is not true. Still very flat chested. Still nothing to motorboat or do anything fun with so don't get any ideas that my boyfriend would be mad about. I'm just a poor, sweaty girl trying to chug a hot, medium-bodied Argentinean, okay?

Tasting Notes: Such a sleeper hit. Slow and smooth, versatile and understated without compromising flavor or body. That lovely fig I mentioned plus raspberry, and just enough tobacco that is like the yummy, enticing, cool-girl-smoking-in-the-bathroom-on-a-teen-sitcom tobacco notes, and not the "Oh, wow you smoked half of your friend's pack of yellow American Spirits and it's all over your hands for the next four days" tobacco notes. Definitely a new favorite in my collection. Will replenish as soon as I am not the poorest person I know.  

Ross Test: If you love dark chocolate, this chug could be your jam. I'm not a huge dark chocolate fan, and you get a mouth full of it right here. For me, I'll be keeping it in the glass.

Just Checking In!

It took ten freaking days to get my internet switched to my new house BUT THAT DAY HAS FINALLY COME. I FINALLY HAVE INTERNET AGAIN.

This weekend I'll be drinking in Geyserville and then next week I'll be drinking in New York, so things are wild. I will do my best to update you on my wine intake, but remember you can always be drinking with me on Instagram @MarissaARoss.

We will be returning to our regularly scheduled drinking ASAP. 

Best Portrait Ever?

Never in my life did I think my existence could be summed up so perfectly on a single piece of paper. And um, I will never be this cute ever. This is for sure the best I'll ever be. Thanks so much to the incredible artist, Maritza Lugo, for this incredible gift. I also purchased some amazing Bob's Burgers pieces too. Check out her site for tons of super cool illustrations! 

Venturini Baldini Lambrusco dell'Emilia

Venturini Baldini Lambrusco dell'Emilia
Price: $19.99
Region: Emilia-Romagna, Italy
Retailer: Whole Foods

This Lambrusco is dry, earthy and prickly. Perfect if you love sparkling but hate sweet. It is crazy dark (talking Steve Brule, sweet berry wine right here) and will stain the shit out of your teeth (unless you're me and you're straight up immune to that shit), and your jeans (I am not immune to spilling shit). Great for starting, and ending, a meal with. Passed the Ross Test, but better in a glass.

Pampelonne Canned Rosé Lime

Pampelonne Canned Rosé Lime 
Price: $19.99 for a four pack 
Region: France
Retailer: Whole Foods

To continue my quest for the perfect canned wine,  I bought the Pampelonne Canned Rosé Lime because I saw it, and uh, how could I not? It's sparkling Rosé, with lime. 

And, it's crazy but, I think I finally found it.
I found the perfect canned wine!

The Pampelonne Canned Rosé Lime has a flavor I thought could only be found in the Pellegrino Limonata, one of my favorite carbonated, non-alcoholic beverages of all time. Have you had that shit? Refreshing and tangy and perfect? You know what I'm talking about right? It's fucking delicious.

Okay, so imagine that perfection
AND THEN ADD ALCOHOL.
And that is what the Rosé Lime is.
ACTUAL PERFECTION.

There is nothing about this that isn't perfect. From the palate to the packaging, this is my quintessential estival beverage. It is an absolute dream, something I conjured with a spell on Tumblr collaging beaches in far away places and vacations from yesteryear. It breaths an air that can't be obtained outside the blocks of Beverly Hills, or on a jetset to Santorini in the 70's. It belongs under a perfectly pink beach umbrella, being sipped by a beautiful bikini'd babe. Even the company's story is straight out of a foreword from a Slim Aarons' coffee table book:

It all began on the beaches of Pampelonne in St. Tropez, France. The sea, sunshine, music, beautiful people, and of course, the wine.  In each can of Pampelonne we hope to capture those wonderful moments – full of the spirit and sophistication of the French Riviera.

Right on the label it has "Joie de vivre"
and I've never experienced a truer proclamation. 

This is awesome for the pool because hey, no glass around the pool. It is also awesome for the beach because hey, it doesn't look like alcohol which is important, trust me on this as someone who has gotten a $250 fine for just quietly chilling and drinking wine on the beach. It is also for just blogging around the house in your bikini.

Pampelonne is my new everything. I'd call it a summer fling, but summer lasts all year round here in sunny Southern California, so actually this is true love. 

Tasting Notes: Ideal effervescence, light and zesty. Thirst-quenching with a perfect acidic balance. So much citrus flavor without a big body or thick finish. Beyond easy and enjoyable. The absolute summer wine.

Ross Test: The whole can is basically just the best Ross Test of all time. The only thing better than Ross Testing one can of Pampelonne, is Ross Testing the entire four pack while working on your tan.