Lise & Bertrand Jousset Rosé Pétillant
Region: Loire, France
I'm off my game today. I can't tell you how many photos of my dumb fucking face I tried to take with this wine. I want to say, "Don't you hate that?!" as if that is at all relatable, like everyone is jerry-rigging their cameras to take pictures with bottles of wine because they're 90% sure their tri-pod is in the back of their fiancé's car. Instead, you get this still-life of my beauty products because that's what I did! I drank this rosé while trying my new rose face mask from Fresh, recommended by Best Coast beauty queen Beth, who is my skincare sage. She knows everything about face masks, and one thing people don't know about me is that I LOVE FACE MASKS. EVERYTHING WITH SKIN CARE. EVERYTHING BATH AND BODY BUT NOT BATH & BODY WORKS. OK FINE. I EVEN WOULD PROBABLY STILL LOVE SOME BATH & BODY WORKS.
Most people think I spend all my money on clothes, but the truth is, I spend most of my money on wine and skincare. Seriously. I may have a problem. When Ben and I decided to get a joint bank account, I kept my personal one because of "savings", but really it's because "skincare". Have you ever tried to explain La Mer to a dude? It's impossible. Just try. I can't have him seeing how much I spend on this shit, he'd legit be so disappointed (I was going to say break my leg but he's not aggressive like that, and his disappointed face is much worse than any physical harm he could inflict).
BUT IT'S MY FACE!
I CAN'T JUST GET A NEW ONE LIKE AN H&M BUTTON-UP!
I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS ONE!
I haven't drank in three days so I was excited to pop this and celebrate my return! And also my new face mask. I mean, what could possibly pair better with a pet-nat rosé than a face mask featuring little particles of roses that made me look like I had chicken pox in all the photos? NOTHING!
Holy shit, I don't think I've ever talked about Pétillant Naturel, which is a sin because it's a personal favorite. Pétillant Naturel, otherwise known by its pet name Pet-Nat, is a lightly sparkling wine that is naturally carbonated when winemakers cut off fermentation before all the sugar is consumed by yeast. They throw a cap on it, and as the yeast continues to eat the sugar, it produces extra carbon dioxide and voila. Mild carbonation. Most Pet-Nats are unfiltered, funky and fucking awesome. Thanks for your attendance at the MAR Wine Academy, now back to this rosé.
The Exile tastes like the Fresh rose mask and Blondie's "Heart of Glass". Now hear me out. I know that sounds crazy but you know I've got this. Much like the rose mask, the Exile is cheek sucking and smells like florals on the wind. And like Blondie's "Heart of Glass", it's a harmonious party in a glass. Of my heart. This wine is in my heart for sure. I mean, combine "Loire", "Gamay" and "Pet-Nat" in any order and I will need a new pair of panties.
(My love of alliteration trumps my hatred of "panties".)
This is dancing wine! Shoulder shimmin', tit shakin', hip swayin', love makin' wine. I'd chalk it up to the Blondie, but I listen to Blondie while drinking a lot of shit and I don't feel this good. I'm not saying I'll do this, or that you should, but this tastes like I should be doing a lot of cocaine and ruling a dance floor somewhere. Like, I want to drink a bottle of this and get into a dance battle. A sexy dance battle. And I'd be running my hands through my very 70's middle-parted hair and pelvic thrusting my adversary into submission. After I shamed their horrible moves, we'd pop a hundred more bottles of this. And I'd let the loser come and hang because I'm nice, but they'd know forever that I was the queen of shoulder shimmin' and pet-nats.
And yet, it is also very good for wearing a full sweatsuit and rubbing shit on your face while wearing Ugg slippers you swore you'd never own, but now you love oh so much. And dreaming of being a dancing queen. But not listening to ABBA because, c'mon guys.
My neighbors have to be concerned over the amount of time I've replayed "Heart of Glass" at this point.
Tasting Notes: On the nose, it's like a dozen roses lost at sea; floral but salty. On the palate, lots of raspberry and strawberry, with clenching minerality and acidity. A perfect wine for day-drinking, or getting a party started.
Ross Test: Bubbles are always hard :(