The Pinot Project Pinot Grigio

Photo by Antoin Huynh 

The Pinot Project Pinot Grigio
Price: $12
Year: 2012
Region: Italy

I was just in traffic for over an hour to go sixteen miles. Sixteen miles of pure, unadulterated, Friday afternoon bumper to bumper bullshit complete with cases of run of the mill Angeleno road rage and the kind of cramps that make you want to rip a gash into your torso and shove a gun in it a la Videodrome, except you actually fire the gun into your reproductive organs before your torso takes the gun for itself.

(If you've never seen Videodrome, I am both sorry for you and envious of you. It is a really fucking weird, kinda traumatizing 80's Cronenberg flick a dude took me to see on a date once and then, we did not have sex after. Or ever. )

Never have I been happier to come home to a bottle of wine than I was today when I came home to The Pinot Project Pinot Grigio (and medical grade painkillers). I'm such a fan of the Pinot Project Pinot Noir, and was beyond thrilled to hear they started producing a Pinot Grigio. I ran in, roughhoused my pets and then immediately put this in my mouth. No glass, just right down the hatch. Straight up OG 23-year-old-broke-ass-blogger-hatin'-life-Marissa style.

It had been awhile since I Ross Tested a bottle out of necessity. Life has been weighing heavily upon me this week, and I really needed to fucking chug wine. And it was amazing. Suddenly everything was Fleet Foxes' "White Winter Hymnal". That's what this wine tastes like to me. That melody. So light but so structured, specific but floating. Harmonious and zen-like. 

Not the actual lyrics though. This wine is nothing like coats or scarves. It is heat wave wine, wine to be drank like water in a lawn chair. I mean, we could replace "strawberries in summertime" for "pears and limes in the summertime" and that would work. 

I just wish I had nine more bottles of this. I can't believe I only have one, and I only have a few sips left. It is so, so delicious and versatile. It could go with anything you're cooking or anything someone else is cooking for you. This needs to be one of your staple summer whites. And as honorary Queen of Summer as voted by people on the internet, bow down bitches and drink this shit.

Tasting Notes: Lovely citrus-centric bouquet and palate. Fruit forward but perfectly dry without a hint of the fermentation process. Tastes like something you'd bite into straight off the tree in an orchard. So fresh. 

Ross Test: JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED, I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD BUT GOD DAMN, GOD BLESS THIS WINE

Wine Time: Bitch White Wine with Kimberley Gordon

Bitch White Wine
Price: $8.99
Region: Spain
Retailer: Whole Foods

Best friend and Wildfox founder, Kimberley Gordon, and I bitch about Bitch wine.

Check out more episodes of Wine Time here!

Cinematography by Antoin Huynh 
Music by Monster Rally 

New little tiny, Elton, and a nice bottle of Director's Cut Pinot Noir at Kim's house last night. One of my favorite places to be. 

Breakfast of Champagnions

Madonna Inn, California
Photo by Meredith Leyerzaph
Bikini by Wildfox 

Sofia Blanc de Blancs is one of my favorite go-to's to drink personally, as well as to give.  It's delicious, the bottle is beautiful and the packaging makes it an easy gift to grab when you're at the grocery store.

Carlson Trois Fleurs

Carlson Trois Fleurs 
Price: $25
Retailer: Whole Foods

Tonight I am drinking the Carlson Trois Fleurs. I was skeptical because it's 50% Gewürztraminer and in the past, I have not really been a fan of Gewürztraminer (I've only ever had like, two so I'm being really unfair here but whatever, LIFE'S NOT FAIR). Luckily the other two 25%s are Chenin Blanc and Sauvignon Blanc so there was nothing to fear, aside from fear itself and of course, bad buttery oak/heights.

I feel like if you're out in the world reading about wine, you're probably together enough to put together that this blend of three different Santa Ynez varietals is where they get the name "Trois Fleurs" , but just in case, well, there you have it.

When it first hit my mouth I was like, "I don't know about this."  But after a couple sips, I knew I was in for the whole bottle. It tastes like you're drinking the most beautiful rose garden, all yellows and pinks and corals. It's so perfectly sunny. And the garden just echoes Charles Mingus vinyls. So, it's the best garden you've ever been in, basically.

I guess we could say this garden really grew on me! BA-DUM-CHHHHHH!

Seriously though, this wine just saved me from my always-creeping-but-forever-staved quarter-life crisis. Wine is the original Xanax.

Alright, time to polish off this bottle and go shop online for things I can't afford.

Tasting Notes: Very floral on the front, with citrus and mineral on the backside. Crisp with a light but lingering finish. Would pair awesome with a white fish or a warm patio & good friends. Definitely a summer essential.

Ross Test: Doable. A bit too minerally and acidic for extended chugging. Best left in the glass unless you're really into not giving a fuck.

OUT OF BLOG REPLY

I've spent this week exclusively Ross Testing Emergen-C, pomegranate & orange juices, Cold Calm, Gaia Quick Defense, Delsym, DayQuil and NyQuil.

We will return to our regularly scheduled drinking as soon as my health allows.

In the mean time, WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?

Mifflores Rioja Viura

Mifflores Rioja Viura 
Price: $10.99
Retailer: Whole Foods

Nothing makes me feel like an old white lady more than watering my plants and drinking white wine, which is basically my favorite thing to do in the afternoons when it's sunny (all year round). And this white wine's bottle basically looks like how I'd like my garden to look so it's pretty much perfect, aside from the fact that I don't really like it all that much. I mean... it's fine. I bought it, it's drinkable, but I mean... it's fine.

I bought this wine because I bought the Tempernillo and loved it so much I kept opening it with friends without reviewing it, and didn't want to risk not reviewing it again. But now I wish I'd just bought the Tempernillo again and watered my plants with red wine instead.

The wine is fine, and it is organic, so points to Mifflores Rijoia. More points for the bottle and fonts though. Not to say I'm not drinking this. I am drinking it. Like I said, it's fine. 

To be honest, I just have so much other shit going on right now, I don't care what it tastes like. For example, today the garbage disposal suddenly backed up, and I forgot the dishwasher was connected to the kitchen sink so I started the dishwasher and then went to see if our bathroom sink was also backed up because it kind of was recently. So I started taking apart the plumbing and then I went back in the kitchen and the sink was overflowing and I had to use a big bowl to get the water out like a sinking ship and then I had to fix the bathroom sink. But I fixed the bathroom sink!

BUT I SMELL LIKE FUCKING WATER TRASH. LIKE I SMELL LIKE HOW THEY ALWAYS SAY KARL SMELLS ON WORKAHOLICS. HAVE YOU EVER EVEN SMELLED THAT? IT'S THE FUCKING WORST. SO YES. THIS WINE IS FINE. IT'S FINE. IT'S GREAT. I'M DRINKING THIS WINE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TIME TO SHOWER BEFORE I GO SEE MY FRIEND'S BAND AND I SMELL LIKE WATER TRASH. AWESOME. GREAT. COOL. BEAUTIFUL. I AM BEAUUUTIFUL.

Tasting Notes:  Fruity and plush with a good amount of acidity, but it doesn't feel quite balanced. The consistency reminds me of an old school California Chardonnay, it's not buttery but it has that same texture. Whatever. I'm drinking it. All of it. I SMELL LIKE WATER TRASH. KILL ME.

Ross Test: Too acidic, not recommended.

JUST BUY THE TEMPERNILLO, I PROMISE YOU WILL LOVE IT.

Wine Time: Coppola Diamond Collection Pinot Noir with Mindy Kaling

Francis Coppola Diamond Collection Pinot Noir
Price: ~ $20
Retailer: Really anywhere, but I grabbed this at Whole Foods

Mindy Kaling and I review this Coppola Pinot Noir while dressed as the characters from Sideways, and Mindy has some serious concerns about the Ross Test. Best viewed in 720p HD.

Check out more episodes of Wine Time here!

Cinematography by Antoin Huynh 
Music by Monster Rally 

Pro Tip: Eat Light but Hearty Before You Party

I've been in the drinking game for a long time, and one of the biggest mistakes I've made is forgetting to eat a good meal.

Before you go party, you should eat something light but hearty. It needs to be light because, hello, you're going to be in the tightest dress you own in a couple hours, but hearty because, hello, you're going to be drinking a shit ton. 

So for example, tonight I have a big event I'm going to at 9:30pm. It's an open bar, with my boss, co-workers, and peers. I need to keep my shit on lock all night, while also drinking as much free shit as possible, while also not crying as I shimmy in and out of my Spanx.

Here's what I do:

1. I eat super early. It's 5:30 and I'm already done, early bird Seinfeld's parents style. This gives my bod enough time to digest things so I'm not hating myself while I get ready. Getting ready is half the fun, and you have to love yourself while you get ready! You have to be listening to your favorite hip-hop and practicing sexy pop-lock-drops! There is no time for self-loathing, so eliminate it from the beginning.

2. Eat a lean, clean meat. I like a baked chicken breast seasoned with salt and pepper and marinated in lemon juice. It's delicious but there's no weird carbs or anything that are going to bloat you. If you're a vegetarian, well, figure it out, but still, you have to eat something substantial. 

3. Eat a non-bloating veggie. Asparagus, green beans, carrots, mushrooms and zucchini are delicious, give you that nutritional value, and also don't make your abdomen look twice the size that it is. 

Spoken from a true professional, you will seriously be thanking yourself later when you're not belligerent and begging your friends to take you to Taco Bell at 2am. 

Happy National Drink Wine Day with Segura Viudas' Aria Pinot Noir

Happy National Drink Wine Day, probably the only national day that is basically every other day. Everyone has been like, "Yo, you KNOW it's National Drink Wine Day, RIGHT?" like the fact I didn't roll out of bed with two bottles of Cab and a pack of lit sparklers is a disappointment. Honestly, I find this day a little insulting, because it assumes we're not out here celebrating wine and its benefits straight 365, WHICH I AM. I AM A NO LIMIT SOLDIER. FOR WINE.

But whatever. Happy National Drink Wine Day. I hope if you don't normally drink wine, you celebrate our sacred grape and drink wine today. I normally drink wine, and I am drinking wine, so fuck it. Let's party and honor this shit because it reduces the chances of heart attacks, type two diabetes, cataracts, strokes, colon cancer, brain decline, being boring and having no fun. 

To commemorate this totally average Tuesday, I am drinking one of my absolute favorites, Segura Viudas' Aria [Sparkling] Pinot Noir. 

My first three years in Echo Park were spent mostly in local watering hole El Prado blacked out on this shit, and generally broke because of it. If you are familiar with my early blogging, you may recall a night in which I got so drunk I put my foot in a toilet, and this Cava is to blame (as well as for many, many other past-- and probably future-- transgressions).

This wine will always take me back to "that time". It's a good song like that, a quick way to time travel. In ten years, I will sip this on a barely black Los Angeles evening and remember sitting in El Prado, a VIP at Tuesday's Record Club with Origami Vinyl, with the back table basically reserved for us. We were the cool kids, in a cool neighborhood at a cool night, getting drink tickets for bringing our favorite records to our favorite bar. It was such a youthful little fantasy. And now it feels, so long ago. It wasn't really, but it was. The crowd has come and gone, along with "chillwave" records and not caring about our day jobs. 

This is one of the many, many reasons I love wine. Because of the many nights my friends and I have gathered around it, that I have to cherish.

So cheers, to many more nights downing $9 glasses of sparkling Pinot Noirs, that you may or may not be able to afford.

Tasting Notes: A dream, a beautiful bubbly little dream. A lovely rose colored glass to look through. Bright raspberries, strawberries, nectarines. Light, smooth, with just the perfect acidity. I truly love this wine. I've never seen it in stores, a friend who knows me well brought it as a hostess gift, but I genuinely hope you can find it. It's superb. 

Ross Test: Too bubbly! Don't waste it on chugging. Put it in a glass and listen to a record you love with your best friend.