Philippe Jambon "Une Tranche Fine"

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Philippe Jambon "Une Tranche Fine"
Varietal: Gamay
Region: Villié-Morgon, France
Year: 2013
Price: $21.99
Retailer: DomaineLA

If you can't tell by my makeup-less, top-knotted, surly-ass face, I was in desperate need of a gamay today in a way that only a woman immobilized by cramps sent from the depths of hell itself could truly understand. 

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Despite still looking like an angry monster, "Une Tranche Fine" was just what the doctor ordered, along with Aleve and a passionate pursuit of high-grade painkillers, despite both of my god damned drug dealers ignoring my cries for help from the feminine product isle. If it wasn't for this wine, I would be crying or dying or both, presumably in the fetal position in bed while the DVD menu of Seinfeld looped for hours on end. 

But fortunately for the both of us, I have gathered the strength to persevere and tell you all about this wine.

Aside from its medicinal purposes, "Une Tranche Fine" is overall an exquisite example of organic French gamay. It tastes like bottled fireworks. Scintillating and skillful, its tart and carbonite fruits straight up explode in your mouth. I could get sexual with this, but I am not going to. But just know I could get sexual with this, and that you could also get sexual with this. It's a sexy wine! 

I feel like this would be a fun third date wine. I've only been on one third date ever and that was six years ago, but had I been drinking such bomb wine six years ago, I definitely would have pulled this out and been like, "Heyyyyyyyy. [wiiiink]" It's very flirty wine; friendly and quick, with light-hearted bitterness. "Une Tranche Fine" will make you smile and tug at the nape of your neck while you try not to fall in love. 

I just don't see how you're not going to bone after drinking this! It's too delicious and fun! It's like a carnival date!

Like a cool carnival, not a Dateline "Whyyy'd my baby get murdered?!" carnival.

Tasting Notes: Vibrant on the bouquet and the palate, with tons of energized cherry, cranberry, and sour rose petals. I need one or ten more bottles STAT.